Ad
Men are great until they aren’t. My husband, my dad and men in general tend to be pretty OK at not committing misogyny and sexism.
But then there’s always one guy, or a pack of men, that have to run their mouth off to assert their male “superiority” by making the assumption that women can’t do something.
A prime example is my experience last Sunday.
I had just dropped off my husband at the airport for a trip, which meant I was completely on my lonesome with our two dogs for a couple of days. I was planning to meet my mom for dinner, but as soon as I stepped foot in my car, I realized that wasn’t going to happen.
My car wouldn’t start, and even worse, my car key was stuck in the ignition. This had happened a couple of times before. Usually I am able to reset the battery by removing one of the battery terminals for five minutes and the car will turn on.
This time, however, nothing was working. It became clear that I needed to replace the battery. So I took my loving husband’s car to AutoZone across the street to get myself a battery.
For reference, I am already hot, sweaty, frustrated and hungry.
I walk into the AutoZone, and a middle-aged man asks, “How can I help you young lady?” with a little bit of a ‘tude in his voice. I said, knowing which battery I needed, that I am just grabbing a battery real quick.
“Oh, what car is it for?” he asked.
“I know what battery I need. I see it right there,” I responded.
Ad
“Well we need to make sure we’re not sending you with the wrong battery,” he said, again with the attitude.
I was tired and just wanted to get out of there, so I told him what the car was. He grabs the battery that I was going to grab anyway. “Do you need help taking this to your car? It’s heavy. I can swap it out for you if you can’t do it.”
“No. Look pal, I can do it myself. Just ring it up so I can get this done.”
I grabbed my (quite heavy) battery and stomped out of the store. I did that battery swap in 30 minutes and returned to the store with my old battery for my cash back.
“Well that was quick,” he said.
If I had been there with my husband or my father, there would have been no question. How do I know this? Last time my husband and I needed a battery, he and I walked right in, grabbed the battery ourselves, paid and walked right out the door.
This isn’t my first brush with this kind of behavior from men.
I recall one time after my Advanced Multimedia Journalism class at University of New Mexico, my teacher and I helped one of my classmates change her tire.
We were in the middle of getting the lug nuts off when a man in his car stopped and asked if we needed help even though it was clear we three women had it handled. I will never forget it because of what my teacher said.
“Nope we got it. Don’t need men to change a tire. Bye,” she said.
Shortly after that, a male cyclist rode by and said “You go girls.”
“No one asked for your opinion,” my teacher said.
Here’s why she said these things and why I am writing this column.
Men are not found exceptional when they perform these tasks. Women, despite being capable and clearly able to handle simple life skills that everyone should know like changing a battery or a tire, are found to be the exception every time. The assumption is already that we will fail. Men are assumed to succeed automatically.
In an ideal world, we women could do these tasks without commentary from the other sex. Equality is just us being able to live without societal insecurity and making assumptions about other people.
My advice to men is to not assume anything when it comes to women. If she can’t do it, she will ask for help. If you can see that she has the task handled, leave her be.
And my advice to women is to make sure your capabilities are known and don’t take any guff from people who doubt you.
