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Demure: Reserved, modest or even shy/an item of clothing that reflects modesty.
I have to admit that sometimes even I fall into the rabbit hole that is modern social media, but lately the trend that is catching my eyes and ears is the use of the word “demure” in videos.
As it states above, demure is a term used for a person, usually a woman, that can be reserved, modest or shy with their speech and emotions. It can also mean someone is dressed modestly. But what does being demure mean in 2024?
I considered how demure people acted and talked when the term was coined before I made that deduction. Demure is first known to be used by William Shakespeare. He used the word to describe people who were serious or even somber. He used the term in his plays “Henry IV,” “Henry VIII,” “The Rape of Lucrece” and “Twelfth Night.” Two are history plays, one is a minor epic and the other romantic comedy.
Flash forward a little bit, and demure evolves into a word that is actually kind of oppressive if you think about it. From the 1800s onward, demure was a term used to describe a proper lady of the age. So, a woman that stayed quiet, wore the right clothes and was socially and physically adequate. In a social season similar to the ones depicted in “Bridgerton” and “Downton Abbey,” women are expected to be “demure” so they might find a husband. The point is to have a woman that will be obedient to said husband.
Flash forward to 2024, when demure has been taken out of context just like many other English language words, and people are using it to describe anything and everything.
Today the phrase on social media is “very mindful, very demure.” In her videos, Lebron uses “demure” to describe herself doing everyday tasks, such as applying makeup, ordering food and getting a manicure. She often adds other words like “mindful,” “cutesy,” and “considerate.”
However, considering the history of the word, demure does not mean any of those things.
In fact, I would go as far as to say that none of us in the 21st century qualify for the word demure in the traditional sense. Furthermore, I would not want to be demure by any means. If being demure means being quiet and proper, that is not me. Ask any of my friends or family.
Today, the women and girls using demure to describe themselves are the new version of what my generation would call “pick-me” girls. In other words, these are the women and girls that constantly demand attention for being “different” when, in reality, they are part of the heard of people doing the same thing.
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I also believe demure plays into the male attraction of “innocent” women and girls as if they were a prize to be won or an item to be obtained. Personally, the word just reinforces traditional gender norms and elitism. This is not a word that build confidence in women but rather squashes it.
If you have seen the show “The Nanny” with Fran Drescher, you may have seen the episode when Max tells Fran to “shush,” saying she talks too much and is too loud. She responds by trying to be “demure” and not talking at all or at least very little. He becomes annoyed that he can’t hear her and becomes bored with the conversation. If all women were demure, men would be bored. That’s just the conclusion I draw from that.
I do consider myself to be kind, considerate, a good listener and even a good friend, but I am not demure.
Are you demure? Do you want to be?
